On A Personal Note

I had an important moment this week. It’s got nothing to do with writing, so no big announcements. This was bigger and something I will never forget.

First–

My daughter used to ask me to play “party games” this was her way of saying, “Will you play dollies with me?”

We’d set up a tea party with proper little girl china that resembled a set my grandmother had given me. Our two guests, Dolly and Baby, were always in attendance.

This is us with Dolly. The photographer asked my daughter to set her doll down. I told him that wasn’t necessary since Dolly was a part of our family. At the time, it was true.

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Then one day she stopped asking to play “party games”. We just played. I tear up now because I cannot recall the last time she asked in her squeaky voice. It sounds silly, I know. But she became a big girl overnight, and my little girl who didn’t go anywhere without Dolly and Baby, didn’t need them anymore.

Now she paints her own nails, has a crush on Mr. GQ next door, and God help me… she says, “Like, Oh my God!” constantly. And let me tell you, she can Valley Girl like a boss.

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I miss party games. I miss her hand automatically reaching for my hand where it belonged.

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My six year old son had his first Cub Scouts meeting the other night. He was all ready to go, so proud of himself and so eager to do big boy stuff. We were almost ready to leave and he came running to me.

“Mommy? Am I still going to be able to sit on your lap and you sing me that song about the horses? And can we still play Patty Cake?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t we?”

“Because I’m going to be a big boy now.”

I thought of party games and then he asked…

“Can we play Patty Cake before I go?”

We did. His smile was wide and “big boy” toothless. I drew a J for Jack, and he giggled when I tickled him. I wonder how many more of these moments we will share– him wanting so desperately to be a big boy while trying to hold on to being a little boy, my boy.

I waited until I was alone and cried like the big baby I am. That was my very important moment. And unlike party games, it’s committed to memory.

Now we have vampire themed birthday parties.

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We go for mani/Pedi’s (her color choice)

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Last Halloween we were zombies. She was Superstar Zombie & I was Tired Mommy Zombie.

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Here we are as Hulks. I’m Eating People’s Head Hulk apparently.

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I’ve graduated from always being Jean Grey or Mary Jane and needing to be rescued. I’m Storm, Pepper, or Black Widow now and able to contribute to the defeat of Magneto, Venom, Dr. Doom, and the Hulk. We also work my daughter’s Monster High dolls in. Usually putting on a sing/dance show.

I pretend to be interested in Minecraft and the endless rooms inside the buildings. That crap makes me dizzy and I have thoughts about stabbing my eyeballs.

My Gymboree / Mini Boden matchy, matchy clothes obsession for my daughter is dead and buried. Replaced with Justice and Justice and more Justice.

My point is that life goes on. It won’t be long before they want nothing to do with me other than a ride or money. So for now, while they still think I’m cool and my son still wants to marry me, I’m never going to let something like party games slip through my fingers again.

That said, letting go is hard. Too hard sometimes.

17 thoughts on “On A Personal Note

  1. Oh, Gabi! It’s so hard remembering sometimes. Watching them grow is so unbelievable, but remembering taking care of them before they were really themselves is something only a mother understands. You have a beautiful family and always will. xx

    Love,
    Julie

  2. You just made me cry.. My girls are 2 and 9 months, and every day I feel sad about how quickly time is passing. Why doesn’t life come with a slow motion option? I want to appreciate every moment.

    • Yes, Jodi… appreciate every moment. I read this post to my daughter (she is 9 now) and she dug her dollies out of her closet and set up a tea party for us. I’m a blubbering mess as I type this. In a good way. 🙂 We told stories and allowed my son’s Thor to attend.

      Don’t let party games happen to you. ❤

  3. The pictures are adorable!! My two little boys still like to recreate the toy story scenes, so we are still in those happy mom-is-the-best-and-can-defeat-Evil-Dr-Porkchop days. Your story reminds me to soak it all up!! And if you ever want to come to Texas and re-live the 3-4 year old stage, you are welcome to my always messy and loud house 🙂

  4. What a great, but melancholy post. I sent my oldest off to college a month ago and yes, he still needs me – How do I wash clothes again? – but no more days of asking me which Pokemon the clouds resemble. I know everyone tells you to treasure the moments you have with them now because seriously – time just flies by.

  5. Aww gabi, what a sweet post. Sounds like your kids have a pretty awesome mom 🙂

    I don’t have kids but I do have an amazing mom. Even at 25, she is still my best friend. We might not play dolls anymore but we have the best relationship, just different from when I was little. She was always worried I would grow up and never call but that never happened. Your kids will always remember how loving and fun their mom is, even when there older 🙂

  6. What a beautiful post that really hits home. I hold my daughter every single day, rocking her to sleep, ignoring everyone telling me she’ll get too used to it. I don’t care, she’ll only be a baby once and there will come a time I won’t be able to do it. This sounds weird but I’m already missing her now when I think of her 18 years in the future.

    • *sigh* Logan, I did the same with both of mine. I’ve never regretted it. I’m glad you are doing for her what feels right to you.
      And that doesn’t sound weird. It sounds like unconditional love. 🙂 She’ll change so much in the next few years. Milestones are exciting and celebrated, but it’s also turning a page.

      When my son asked me to play Patty Cake– time stood still for me. And how incredibly awesome is it that I was where I needed to be when he needed that kind of reassurance? I’m having trouble putting into words what that moment was like for me.

  7. My daughter is twenty and the things we do together have changed over the years and yes during her teens there were a couple of years where she would not be seen in public with mummy but deep down they never really stop playing party games they just change a little for example I bought a fantastic wicker picnic basket and this summer my daughter was thrilled when we took a full picnic to the park including blankets when the carnival was on and they fact all her friends were jealous when she told them afterwards what we had done 😀

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